I feel guilty for saying all of those things. I would feel even worse if he ever found any of this. I cannot help it sometimes how I feel though. I miss the way that things used to be. I wish more than anything that I could go back and enjoy my life, not worry so much about the future, but really enjoy the present. I miss watching movies, spending the night with my friends. leaving state for no apparent reason, just cause I needed to drive somewhere. Never answering to anyone. Never having to explain to anyone why I feel what I feel. Not answering my phone. Going to work when I feel like it. Hanging out with the people that I want to hang out with. I miss not having to always justify my actions with reason. I am sick of always having to do what someone else thinks is right. I miss being able to be my own person and only ever having myself and God to answer too.